and so i put a lil tiny flag on my side bar!!

a tribute to my country...

of course ill take it off if we loose!

*shrugs*

that's the hubul vathan of today my friend...

thinking of moving to wordpress....

any ideas on which ones better? O_O

The shivers down my spine

The tremble in my hands

I can’t lie and say they ain’t real

But this mind of mine

And this coal-drenched heart

Won’t accept this to be real

The touch, the feel

The sounds that appease

It won’t understand that this is real

The words you utter,

The butterflies in my stomach that flutter

It just ignores and pretend they aren’t real

The feeling that grows

From the nose to my toes

It just won’t allow for it to be real

The depth in your eyes and what lies inside

Yes, my heart is too scared to ask what is real

I know it's crappy...I know I am supposed to have blogged about moving to Malay and all about changes and everything...but my mind is kinda blank these days...so, here it is...yours truly, confused as ever... :)

The silver lining along the cloud
The drops of sunshine through the haze
A humble ounce of beauty
...visible in this atrocious place

There is a world where hope
And dreams can last for all time
A wondrous place to go
You'll know it when your heart finds

Hearing our song as old as rhyme
Hold my hand we're gonna fly
What a magic ride
And just a kiss away

If you can dream
The wish we're making
On a star is coming true
The colours of the wind will lead
My heart right back to you

'Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining on true
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day
If you can dream

Someday my prince will come
It's certain as the sun rise
One day the slipper fits
Then you see the love in his eyes

It's a tale as old as time
There's no mountain we can't climb
When you're finally mine
And just a kiss away

If you can dream
The wish we're making
On a star is coming true
The colours of the wind will lead
My heart right back to you

'Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining on true
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day
If you can dream

So the story goes
Never die the rose
There's a whole new world
Waiting there for us
(Waiting just for us)

If you can dream
The wish we're making
On a star is coming true
The colours of the wind will lead
My heart right back to you

'Cause if you can dream
Reflections in a diamond sky
Come shining on true
Romance will always be so new
And love will save the day
Love will say the day
If you can dream

this is an official disney song; A song that is written specially for the Disney Princess franchise. It features the voice of Jodi Benson as Ariel, Judy Kuhn as Pocahontas, Paige O'Hara as Belle, Lea Salonga as Jasmine and Mulan, Christie Houser as Aurora and Susan Stevens Logan as Cinderella.

you can check out the video in here...

Joel: I can't see anything that I don't like about you.
Clementine: But you will! But you will. You know, you will think of things. And I'll get bored
with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.
Joel: Okay.
Clementine: [pauses] Okay.

From the script of :
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 2004

im not a mind reader
i can't tell whether you are happy or not
when you smile and say fine
i cant tell whether its okay for me
to do what i do and to say what i say
i need more than a smile
i need more than a nod
i need more than just some emoticon
to really understand what you feel
what you need

im not a mind reader
so just tell me out loud
let me have it harsh and cold
cause i deserve to know
cause i'd do the same for you
cause you know its true...
that i wouldn't do anything
if it were to hurt you...
as long as you tell me
and you let me know..

cause...
im not a mind reader...
and i can't feel the psychic vibes from so far...

photo cred : Innocence by RedSigns

The feeling of want..of need...that you cannot be satisfied...that you cannot walk this earth again the same way if not given the scent of what your heart aches for...it desires for....

This feeling grows...it consumes...and there is no end to it...for a desire can never be satisfied...you can never have enough of it..call it an addiction if you may, but to those who has ever gotten a taste of it...an addiction is like having a sweet tooth compared...

Desires rage fire...and throws itself into the iciest of cold...and there it rages fire again...the mixture of hot and cold...eventually eats one another...and leave the dead marks of satisfaction...and the desire fulfilled...yet longing for another battle to be fought...

And then there is the desire most want...the desire to be desired...to have a man tremble in front of your eyes...to see the rage of fire in his eyes..which looks like it would consume him, lest he was unable to touch you...we have heard the fables...read the stories...where the mere revealing of a hand of a geisha or the caressing of the neck of some woman in the medieval times would ignite a man's passion beyond what words he could say...and his hands tremble to touch her...as though she was sacred...as though touching her was a pleasure he could not have...

What i hold between my thighs...and within my bosoms..is sacred..it is sacred because i believe it to be..and i desire to be desired for what i have...for being a woman..and i desire to be looked at with lust even with my body hidden and hands crossed upon my lap...for i am a woman...and my body...my mind...my soul is mine to hold..and mine to give..

i do understand, that some of you may think that what i have written is too mature or pornographic for me to write..so to all of them, im just gonna act real immature, and tell them to fuck off... :)

photo credits : Desire by xequemate

cry baby cry
little demons are here tonight
to take you into nightmares
you wouldnt have thought of
to take up your innocence
and rid you of sanity
to light up the devil's lair
with your eyes tonight
to creep up you back
and send bumps down the spine
to take away the purity
and honesty in your prayer
and sprinkle the devils dust
upon your feet's bare

i realised i blog only when i'm pissed or really really depressed...andi'm not sure whether its healthy or not...but...whatever gets me goin right? so, this one is so that i'm not labelled as some emo kid who writes poetry that would make Shakespeare raise from the dead just to kill me.. :) see? im not so bad..and not depressed! anyways, here's the 20 random facts about me! (sorry about the delay..i dint see it...sorta.. :P)

here goes:

1. i am a car-maniac...love cars...and currently in lust (my true love is the porsche cerrara GT) with the black toyota celica in male'
2. Jack-In-The-Box freaks me out
3. i am a Paulo Coelho fan..obsessed with his books actually...and his blog...(no, im not stalkin him :P)
4. i love abstract art..i dont really see the point in most of Michelangle, da Vinci and Rubens work...its already there and much better..why paint it again?..
5. My favourite teacher was Ms.Risala who was my teacher for 2 years (grade 1 & 2) She helped me outta my shell and was basiclaly awsome.. :)
6. I would never get an abortion but i'm prochoice. I'm not gay, but gay people don't bother me. period.
7. I want to live in Dubai..and i want to have apartments of my own in atleast 3 countries. (a girl can dream :D)
8. If it wasn't for religious restrictions i would get a tattoo (a tiny one)..and a navel piercing
9. i hate re-mix songs...the original is always better
10. i procrastinate...soo..much...
11. i have never broken a bone in my body. but there is not a single part of my arms and legs that had not been bruised in someway.. :p
12. I sleep on the phone..been a habit since grade nine...and i can pretty much sleep through anything and in any position..my weirdest one yet was sleepin on my nose while finishin my math homework
13. i hate ironing...most of the time,i just wear stuff..they are bound to get creased anyways, right?
14. Im currently watching the following series : 70s show, greys anatomy and private practice..and i end up confusin private practice with greys cux adison is in both! O_O
15. most of my jewelery consist of stuff that have sentimental value more than stuff that i actually wear..the same goes with the teddy bears, clothes, cosmetics and books
16. i have an obsession with cutting hair..i cant go without cuttin it..*snip* *snip*
17. even though im a lazy arse, i hate stayin home and doing nuthin..infact, i can't stand it..im a lazy workaholic (if thats possible :P)
18. my laptop is always beside me when i sleep..its my 'bahdha baales' :P
19. the highest play count recieved in my itunes player is for Bang Bang Mystery Man by Tommi Inkila..
20. I'm a rainy day person...definitely not a sunny day person..!

fudge!! i forgot to tag!!!

here goes: i tag...umm.. i-ecco, black orchid, silent smurrfs, silvertm

i always thought
i could walk alone
no hands to hold
no guides to follow
no roots to hold me up and bright
no fur to keep me warm and alright
i thought i was fine..just alone
leaving it all and going with the flow
alas,
i now realise...living ain't easy
when it just goes by
and thats how it is..when you ain't nearby
you keep me happy...you make me strong
you lift my spirits..you always sang a different song
and there right there...i saw the fur..the roots the hands..
and the guide to lead away
'cause you remind me...when i forget
and you find me..when i am lost..
the many laughs with others...
compare little with the few i had with you..
you were what i needed...
you were there...

picture from deviantart : True Friendship by kimcats

girl: no!

guy: yes

girl: no..

guy: yes

girl: maybe..

guy: yes

girl: yes?

guy: yes..

girl: yes

guy: yes!

Its amazing how easily you can ignore things..pretend it doesn’t need to be taken care of..pretend its not important…or just pretend its invisible…that its not there…you spend hours and hours of your day watching the tv…or playing music…while you have a cv to be made…university applications to send out..classes to apply for…obligations…duties…responsibilies…but you just sit…infront of the tv…or staring at the ceiling…and just not think about any of the things you have to do…

Why? ‘cause you are scared ofcourse. You are afraid of what might happen if you do try…if you try to do the things others havn’t tried before…you are scared you might screw up…and end up a failure…so you just don’t want to start…’cause you never know until you try….and not knowing, just might save you from the sorrows…the failure…the unhappiness…

So, yeah, im scared…im scared to move on with my life…I’m scared that I’m not gonna be the person that I’m expected to be…the person I want to be…and trying and failing…it’s just not an option anymore…

The worst of the worst is here... *sigh*

So, just pray for me alright?...so that i do well in my exams..and i am soo happy that i treat everybody to pizza... :P sweet deal eh?

*gulp*

*back in panic mode*

hey ya all...

this is not one of those psycho-ish, beykaaru, hama nujehey stuff that i normally write...this is just a lil NOTICE to anybody who visits this blog in the near future...

i have been rather dumb and exceeded my net limit by downloading way too many stuff..(c'mon, who could just sit and stare while they released prison break finale and heroes and....you get the picure :P) so...this means that i shouldn't and cannot net ah vananings (oh da humanity!! )

anyways, this also means i wont be blogging for atleast a month or so..plus with the tests already here..this just might be a nubai minvarakun heyo minvareh negeyne kameh (as my islam teacher used to say)

so to all readers and (if any) followers...g'luck for the next few weeks of your life...and take care... and i guess i'll be back in the blogosphere after june to check out all the blogs and get back to all this again... :)

*hugs*

'hero':majeedhi magu light ga jehifa in cykeh ga in firheneh....

(phone ringing)

Hero: (takes out phone) hey hon..yeah...uhuh?...no, im just on my way to the house...sure sweetie..ya, i love ya too...bye..(puts phone back in coat pocket)

Hero: (mimics a woman's voice) where are you? what are you doing? take this..do that..(changes voice) that lil goddamn annoying bitch....!

this work is purely fictional...

oh so thats why..... -_-

• you are going to be branded 'pathetic' if you got dumped...a 'bitch' if you dumped him/her..
• you will be constantly finding reasons NOT to go out
• when you do go out...its likely that you will feel like you have 'I'M SINGLE' branded on you forehead
• you will start a weird obsession of staring at your phone...a lot
• the messages in your phone are going to be read...over..and over...and over..(including the call me backs)
• you will cry while watching every single episode of One Tree Hill...and all those lovey-dovey movies
• everybody around you will suddenly start having stable/perfect relationships
• your newest hobby would become staring at the ceiling
• you are likely to become a studyaholic/workaholic
• sleepless nights (duh!!)
• its like getting pregnant...you might get this craving...any time..and you have to (i repeat, HAVE TO) have it..whatever it is...whatever the time is...
• you start pondering about the big questions in life..like the meaning of life and death..and why we are here..(you know, ..deep shit)
• you end up talking to strangers...a lot..and saying stuff...a lot
• your personal msgs on msn and facebook statuses become extremely emo..
• you feel guilty everytime you laugh
• you get flashbacks out of the blue
• and you end up staring at the mirror a lot
• basically, i guess you do a lot of staring..
• oh, and you might try to change your appearence in some way..(haircuts..werido hairdos..extreme piercings)
• (if the break up was because of sumthin stupid he/she did) you will feel an extreme need to rebel against his/her comments/compliments...(eg: if he compliments your hair..you WILL feel an urge to cut it...like CUT it..!)
• you will start checking his/her blog on a daily basis
• you will starr checking his/her fb status every hour or so
• your room will slowly deteriorate into a state of unfixableness
• sudden urges to go out and party will come...and go...in a matter of minutes..
• craving for ice cream (duh!)
• craving for chocolate (double duh!)
• lowered self esteem
• you will start taking little things very personally and very (very!) emotionally
• you will go into mourning (ie, wear black a lot)
• you will wear loads of eye liner and andhun to prevent people from noticing your puffy eyes
• short term memory loss
• attention deficiency
• talking in shakespearen lingo..wayy too much
• your attire doesnt change for days..mostly huge tshirts with shorts..
• signing up for thing you don't have time for (like yoga, martial arts, cake decorationg (we all know why) maa jehun, ) <- yoga does sound appealing ^^
• get extremely jealous of hiro nakamura
• get back on track with your reading
• drawing (even if you dont know how to ) broken hearts...everywhere..(EVERYWHERE!)
• updating your blog in a daily/weekly basis...mostly with love-sick posts and depressing poetry
• reminicing about the 'good times'
• 'accidental' calls to the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend
• burning/throwing/melting/any sort of destructive method being used to destroy any gifts/flowers/cards recieved during the course of the relationship (if it was an ugly break up)
• sleeping with gifts/flowers/cards recieved
• staring at gifts/flowers/cards recieved
• rings...oh dont even get me started on rings..!
• if you have a camera..your photography will become extremely depressing
• your lips become cracked
• change in weight (may increase or decrease depending on individual)
• having to get back in the 'game' buut, you are too tired for the game..
• changing your whole perspective of life...
• no more horny dreams of just one girl
• no more nightmares/dreams of married life
• extreme horni-ness
• cats will suddenly become very friendly with you..and you will feel the need to adopt one..(DONT!)
• shopping! shopping! and more shopping!
• being broke...
• no more eating out because you are broke
• reminicing of the days you were broke...and you could still eat out..*sigh*
• doing freaky daredevil stunts which end up really wrong (either in the hospital or the police office)
• celebrating freedom!...and craving for unfreedom (i know thats not a word!..but do u want me to say slavery?)
• you become rather fond of animals..(no! thats not what i meant! perv! -_-)
• you start singing 'sexy back' in the shower
• you start blaming everything on the breakup

oh, this is probably going to be a continuing list...and includes opinions that are common and unique to many others out there...so feel free to add in anything more..

oh oh, and this work is purely fiction :P so don't start lecturing me about being obsessive/unhappy/depression...blah blah...i just needed to write this...just for the heck of writing it...aiite?

two 'partey' at a street corner staring at a pretty girl walking by

partey 1: *whistles* hey sexy lady... *wink*

(pretty girl stops dead on her feet)

pretty girl: what do you think you are doing? eh? you really think that by hooting and calling me 'sexy' with that suggextive tone in your voice is really going to get me interested in you? or that pathetic winking is going to make me think of you as something more than a disgusting pervert whose life serves no purpose other than to aimlessly pace around the corners of streets trying to find girls to hoot at, which i would like to add is a pretty damn stupid method to use if you actually want to get a woman for you...which leads me to think that maybe, just maybe you are not interested in getting the girl...maybe you are just hoping that by doing so, you would be seen as somebody with hetreosexuality and maybe convince your miserable heart who is aching for that piece of meat right next to you, otherwise.... *winks back, turns around and leaves*

(silence)

partey 2: hey man...err...i gotta go home..my mum called me a coupla hours ago..err..see ya man...*dashes off*

(this work is purely fictional...)

how sweet life would be,
if you would just be
my little figure on strings
and i could dance your feet away
tap on it till the end of day
nod your head to all my requests
leap up and take conquest
protect my honor and fear no wrath
i could make you
my one and only strength
sleep for me
eat for me
cry and just weep for me
fight for me
and strive for me
life has no meaning but what is said by me..

*slight maniac laughter....*

photo by Lady-Dementia (a deviant artist)

location: (maaveyo magu)

guy: usha!

girl: (turns around) don't try to make a scene...please!

guy: you know how much i love you? do you even have the slightest idea? (puffy eyes swelling up with tears..again)

girl: yes i do..but this in not...

guy: no you don't! (voice rising) you have no idea..if you did...you wouldn't do this to me..not in a million years!!

girl: i havn't done anything to you!..and therefore, i have nothing to say to you!..goodbye arshadh...

guy: (voice softens) love..don't..im begging you..(takes the girl's hand)..this is not what we wanted..give me one good reason why we should not be together...?

girl: (sounding stone hard and icy cold) simple. because i don't love you. and because you don't deserve my love.

(by this point a smal crowd of people pretending not to look at the scene have gathered..)

guy: (startled and anger rising) what the f**k do you mean by i dont deserve your love? eh? you think you are something special don't you? (girl says nothing) fine. we are over. we'll see how long you can stay away from me. (slight maniacal laugh....leaves)

girl: (stares at the pavement...tears start rolling down her eyes...and she slowly breaks down in front of a dozen of people)

(this work is purely fictional...)

...life rolls..no matter what obstacle comes by, it will always roll over it...and perhaps crush the obstacles into millions of pieces as it does so..but the only way it could...is by making it bigger...making life so big that it could roll over pretty much anything...and the obstacles would be nothing more than lil pecks of sand you pass, unnoticed along the road...

• Eros – a passionate physical and emotional love based on aesthetic enjoyment; stereotype of romantic love
• Ludus – a love that is played as a game or sport; conquest
• Storge – an affectionate love that slowly develops from friendship, based on similarity
• Pragma – love that is driven by the head, not the heart; undemonstrative
• Mania – highly volatile love; obsession; fueled by low self-esteem
• Agape – selfless altruistic love; spiritual; motherly love

What's your style...?

can't you see that I'm trying?
pulling and pushing on to the edges..
can't you see the tears that I'm crying?
little bits of frozen drops held in just for now...
can't you feel the sorrow I'm hiding?
the plastic in reality..the fake outside the real inside?
can't you just understand...that maybe...
...
just maybe...nobody knows where we are going..?

model rights goes to: razaan (he is a good lil boy who know how to stand still! ^^)

The world's first election between the Earth and Global Warming!

For the first time in history...everybody from every continent...every nation...every ethinicity...every age....is allowed to use their light switch as their vote.. Switching off your lights is a vote for Earth, or leaving them on is a vote for global warming.

WWF are urging the world to VOTE EARTH and reach the target of 1 billion votes, which will be presented to world leaders at the Global Climate Change Conference in Copenhagen 2009. This meeting will determine official government policies to take action against global warming, which will replace the Kyoto Protocol.

It's our chance to make our voices heard!

So this is a reminder to all Earth Warriors out there! Dont forget to vote for Earth! :)

that was just freaking funny!!!....but kinda loabi too...in a creepy, stalker sorta way...

ok..ok..im getting ahead of myself..lemme tell you what REALLY happened..*giggle*

i have a lil stalker!!! tehe...i went to my first extra class today! yippee!! and unlike a LOT of other people..i managed to get in too.. double yippee!!..anyways, my class ended around 9, and since i had math tiution at 10 avahah geyah aee ekani hingaafa..been walking alone varah ginain midhuvaskolhu especially from school..but today was a lil bit harder cux i was sorta koru jahanings form a (very fakuru looking) injury i got this weekend..back to the topic, hingaa iruves i dont take a lot of notice of the people on the road...anehen moonah balalan dho..but not enough to really notice them..anyways, miadhu geyah aissa maths tiution nimaali iru sidi kairiga there was a guy...probly around 15-16 years of age..hudhu kulaige t-shirt eh laigen...really really fair...and kinda short around my height.....i thought kokko hodhan aissa kamah..so i just alhanulanings him and kaan isheeni gossa (my kokko made me raha eh nula noodles! :| ) the guy comes up, sorta fidgeting, and...

him: arykko....? (afternote: after a lil interogation he revealed he heard my friends call me that..)

me: err...huh?? (still more interested in my not so tasty noodles)

him: umm...vahaka dhakalevidhaane tha?...(keeps looking around nervously)

me: me??? *stares for 5 seconds* do i know you......??? O_O <-yup! i was lo bodu kuranings at him.. :P

him: no no...umm...*mumble* *mumble*

me: hmm.....(goes to inspect him a lil better) kihiney ve? O_o

him: kurin dhuvahu chse in ana than fenuney....miadhu ves fenunu...so, i kinda followed you...ekamu mihisaabah aissa konme dhuvahaku gehlanee...varah ehen gethah ves hodhin....migeyah aima buni tiution ga yo..so madu kohli...emeehun (my granma and granpa) varah faadakah balan thibee..so beyruga madukuri tiution nimendhen... :) <- yeah, he gave me the baby smile!...aww...

me: O_O are you for serious???...... who put you up to this???

him: umm....

me: ok..ok...konamako kiyane? (offering the kiddo a seat on the sofa)

him: you can call me imma.. :)

me: this is just...too.......

him: maa lahun dho miadhevunee.... :S

me: aan..maa bodah ves..

there was a lotta small talk with me trying to get vanings the whole situation..and finally i told him it was too late for house visits and he went all "i will come a lil early next time"...it was just too damn funny!!!!....and he looked so naive and innocent...it was just...soo.......seriously, if it had been like any other partey sorta guy..i would have called up everybody in the house and got him out in 2 seconds...but the kiddo looked so innocent...and so neingifa..and he kept trying to act varah calm but he was sooo nervous...(the fact that i was wearing a tshirt that said 'you are boring me' and had my enormous kokko whose around 5'7 looking at him as though he was gonna kill him with his eyes probably dint help the poor kid either ;P)

life is just full of weird surprises these days...hehe....a kid stalker...hmm... :P

this was just a random converstaion i had with a friend of mine... and i managed to utter the words.. "im totally bloggin about this afterwards" so here goes :P

Birdeee : Why the hell are lovebirds called LOVEbirds???

Me : Err....i dunno...cux they are in love with each other.. *goes dreamy eyed*...

Birdee : You know what i think?

Me : Mmmm...? *still dreamy eyed*

Birdee : I think they are just forced to be together!!...cux they are trapped in a cage...TOGETHER!! all the TIME!!....and this lil kid comes around all the time and pokes them....!

Me : *all lovey dovey dreams shattered*....*sigh*...i'm so bloggin about this....

Creating a world must have been tough...just imagine..creating the seeds, from which the plants would grow...making blue-prints of what trees must look like...creating systems through which it could survive (ie; respire, make food, reproduce...)...and the varieties...so many species...so much creation... and then creating the tiny lil insects which would live amongst these plants...with their unique appearences...and amazing abilities... the animals, made to be majestic and ruling of the kingdoms...each with its distinctive appearence and role in life... the birds, that fill the sky...with beautiful patterns of flocks..or just a single bold one...on the look out for prey... what about the deep oceans?..with their own flora and fauna, creating a mass ecosystem..almost oblivious to the land creatures... and of course the amphibians, who choose neither land nor sea...and live their lives in mystery... and what of the skies, mountains and the seas of water themselves? and volcanoes filled with lava....rivers streaming through to oceans....forestlands...coral reefs...and so many of the many ecosystems which create the earth's biosphere... each having a purpose..each giving a little..to create a lot...

finally the man...humans..homo sapiens..with their rules and order of anarchy...their ways of peace through war...their path of enlightment with no light...their livesof purpose through entertainment...their wisdom which even for them is just riddles....

how we managed to gain control of the world is nothing short of a miracle...how narcisstic we are...to believe we are the ones who deserve this beautiful planet...how ignorant we are...to think that we could do whatever we want in here and not pay a price...how stubborn we are...to say its upto us to change this world..that its upto us to decide the future...

oh, how little we know...

photo: in bio lab...doing some weird experiment :)

isn't it ironic that people think of abortion as 'taking care' of the baby....("getting it taken care of")

humans are seriously fudged up....

running through life

living by everybody's rules
tired of the echoing lies
said and repeated
by all these fools

trapped in pure hatred
for sins that others commit
left by those most cared
for whom you go
beyond love's limit

who is to blame for your loss?
they ask
you, and only you
they say