• An instant attraction to romantic interest, usually occurring within the first few minutes of meeting.

• An immediate urge to rush into a relationship regardless of compatibility.

• Becoming "hooked on the look" of another, focusing on the person's physical characteristics while ignoring personality differences.

• Unrealistic fantasies about a relationship with a love interest, assigning "magical" qualities to an object of affection.

• The beginnings of obsessive, controlling behaviors begin to manifest.

• Unfounded thoughts of infidelity on the part of a partner and demanding accountability for normal daily activities.

• An overwhelming fear of abandonment, including baseless thoughts of a partner walking out on the relationship in favor of another person.

• The need to constantly be in contact with a love interest via phone, email or in person.

• Strong feelings of mistrust begin to emerge, causing depression, resentment and relational tension.

• The continuation and escalation of obsessive, controlling behaviors.

• The onset of "tunnel vision," meaning that the relationally dependent person cannot stop thinking about a love interest and required his or her constant attention.

• Neurotic, compulsive behaviors, including rapid telephone calls to love interest's place of residence or workplace.

• Unfounded accusations of "cheating" due to extreme anxiety.

• "Drive-bys" around a love interest's home or place of employment, with the goal of assuring that the person is at where "he or she is supposed to be."

• Physical or electronic monitoring activities, following a love interest's whereabouts throughout the course of a day to discover daily activities.

• Extreme control tactics, including questioning a love interest's commitment to the relationship (guilt trips) with the goal of manipulating a love interest into providing more attention.

• Overwhelming feelings of depression (feeling "empty" inside).

• A sudden loss of self-esteem, due to the collapse of the relationship.

• Extreme feelings of self-blame and at times, self-hatred.

• Anger, rage and a desire to seek revenge against a love interest for breaking off the relationship.

• Denial that the relationship has ended and attempting to "win a loved one back" by making promises to "change".

• The use of drugs, alcohol, food or sex to "medicate" the emotional pain.


let it go-the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise-let it go it
was sworn to

let them go-the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and the neithers-you must let them go they
were born
to go

let all go-the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things-let all go
so comes love

= E. E. Cummings=

this poem kinda spoke to me...i havnt been able to write anything like this...and it had the exact things i wanted to get out...what i have been meaning to say..but just couldnt...

wow....i can actually see the dust settling in the corners...

sorry bloggy....just wasn't in the mood to write anything....

OK …it’s been a flow of emo poems and psycho-babble for the last few months and i’d been wanting to write about something really constructive in here for a long time…its just that I don’t get much time to put in the thoughts into words (I know, I know…age old excuse..but its still true!) and actually post a sane post…:S

So here goes…

I realized something eerily disturbing about human beings (in general, not pointing fingers!) the past few days...

Humans, like many animals, stick to herds. And they prefer to be at conformity and the same level as everybody else. It makes them feel normal; like they belong. The many of you who are shaking there head, as you read this are probably in denial...so ask yourself, do you doubt yourself, and your ideas when everybody else doesn't agree with them? do you laugh at jokes that you don't get? i'm guessing your answer is yes...anyways, all i'm saying is even with the lectures you get as you grow up about 'expressing your individuality' and 'being yourself', many of us would rather have the comfort of being what people would refer to as 'normal'. and the rest who don't are normally deprived of attention and thus try to attain it by defying comformity.. by being a rebel...an exhibitionist...

we study, becuase it's what we are supposed to do...what normal people do...and those who don't are just trying to seek the attention of the conformists...trying to make them notice the poor soul...the attention-whore....

we pray, because everybody obeys God...and are scared of Him...and you think its the right thing to do because everybody agrees on that...and the few that don't are trying to get noticed...trying to break out from the abnormal 'normail routine' that the human race follows, without a question...and thus, without an answer...

in a lil room
there'a a chair
and a cupboard
full of clothes, books and god knows what
there's a desk
and two beds
one filled with teddy bears, and fluffy pillows
one pretty much blank and unseen
there's a lil window...but it doesnt open
it doesnt show the outside world
it shows the curvature of the wooden wall next to it
there's a rack, clothes all over it
on the top there's another shelf filled with books
the extension board is right below the desk...and the cables run all around the lil room
some towards the bed...up the bed...
there's a printer under the rack...and another table right next to the cuoboard
there's a chair in the middle of the rooom
and the a/c is on...

it's friggin cold...
days keep passing by without so much as a letter put in here...i suppose i have been 'busy' with the tests and all the political hassle..really dint know what to write about and what not to..

but right now...now that i have actually took some time to actually bother (reason: tomrw is maths test...and i hate maths) i have nothing to say. My mind went completely blank (except for the trignometric graphs which just wudnt leave...*sigh*)

all in all, these past few weeks have been pretty gloomy and yet indulging at the same time. not sure that its possible?...well, me neither...but seeing is believing right? :P

i had been meaning to ramble somthing in here about the political shenanigans occuring in the country but somehow i felt quite seperated from it...UNTIL....they painted the house in BLUE and opened a friggin 'jagaha' infront of my house...aaah...such beautiful melodies you can hear from the places (im being sacrastic)...and the sights are quite daunting too..i think i managed to get a good look at maummon's baldy head from overhead...seriously, the thing just sparkles in sunlight! O_O

anyways, i feel like i have been personally assaulted way too many times for me to take this sitting down... -.- so ....we'll see what i do ..wish me luck :P

while we are on the topic of the famous bald one, one cannot stop oneself from thinking the inevitable; why him again? hasn't he done enough for our 'gaum'..this country doesn't need another 5 years of chaos. it needs change. it needs to realise that a bridge is not going to solve anything...that is, in the unlikely event that a bridge magically appears. there is no possiblity to make a bridge in the seabed of this country (scientifically proven!). the seabed is too soft and the sea too shallow. to make a bridge that would withstand all the obstacles that is gonna come across would take a hell of money out of the country's treasury! ofcourse, since building the friggin bridge is wayyyy more important than...let me think...hmmm....fresh water and living necessaties for our dear citizens?? ofcourse it is! *eye roll*

more than that, what i really really don't understand from these baldy fans is just one thing. They all accept that maumoon dint do a veyr good job with the country in the past THIRTY (hehe cudnt help that :P) years..but yet...baldy doesn't even have to apologize...talk about egoistic O_O a small 'im sorry' would have been fine..but NO...hes wayyy above it all, isnt he?..

i got tagged by silent smuuurf..

so here goes..

1. what's ur latest addiction? sleeeeep!! (honest! ask my mum!!)

2. what are u listening to? OneRepublic - Stop n Stare
3. how late did u stay up last night n why? around 12-ish?
4. who were u with last friday night? i don't remember....umm... kaidhdha, hudhuma and i.nern?
5. do u think u'll be in a relationship 3 months from now? i'm not saying anything..i might jinx it! O_O
6. when is the next time u'll see ur close friends? in a couple of hours?
7. what were u doing this morning at 7am? sleeping...duh!!!

8. what radio station do u listen to the most? i don't... :/
9. what was the reason u last cried? that's one heck of a personal question, u know...O_o

10. have u ever talked to someone when they were high? yeah!! tehe

11. what's the fifth text in ur inbox say? lemme check.."U!!!...hmmmph!"

12. where was the last coffee shop u went to? i forgot!...i think it was lily's....or skippy...

13. what's ur outfit right now? err...PJ's!! ^^

(i dunno where 14 and 15 disappeared to... :/)
16. what were u doing at 11pm last night? multi-tasking :P

17. who was the last person u talked to last night before bed? him ^^

18. will u be driving in a year? oooooooooooooh yeah!!!!

19. is there anything that u are craving right now? chocolate mousse' *sigh*.....*drool*

20. when did ur last hug take place? just now....tehe....my kokky is sooo huggable (when not in fight mode, that is)

(no 21 either....O_O)
22. have u ever started a sentence with "No offense, but..."? No offense, but yeah.. :P

23. Do u drink tea? Once in a blue moon
24. have u ever been arrested? no....

25. have u rode in someone else's car today? yeah

26. have u made a mistake this past week? including or excluding school tests/hoemwork? both ways, its a yes :P

27. who was the last person u texted? a guy

28. are u happy with ur life right now? to some extent, yes! very much
29. in the past 72 hr have u been under the influence of sleep?.. duuuuuh!...yes!
30. what's the connection between u and the last person u texted? cousins...?

i tag.....err....the whole of the blogosphere!!!muahahhaaahaa!!....no?...im not allowed to do that?..damn!...ok then, i tag crimson solace and kainotophobia... :)

the continuation of this

“Now, that’s where everyone of them goes wrong.”She grinned at the baron, “if you think you are the first person who have tried to pursue me since I disappeared you are definitely more stupid than you look and that s saying a lot compared to what you look like at the moment. Honestly, have you heard of a thing called detergent?”

“I havn’t come to pursue you, ma’am. Infact, I have much to do and say…”The barons voice faded into a shivery silence as she realized what was happening

“Stop…right there...”she snarled at the baron.

“Aha? Whose going to stop me?” the baron looked around, “…you?...You?...or…” turning towards her, “..YOU?...heh…you are so pathetic, its almost amusing.”

She wanted to scream. But what good would that do? The sailor was already fastening her hands together so tightly it almost made her wince. Almost.

“Now, now, dear…I wouldn’t do anything to you in front of all these people…that would be disgraceful” he motions towards the captains cabinet, “after you. Mademoiselle…”

She looked at him with such cold eyes that he would have frozen under the hot sun. As she walked toward the cabinet a smile slowly crept up her face. “You know Mr.Clagdon? I have done this before…”

“All the better, my dear” the baron was surprised, but living in a ship full of sailors, who wouldn’t have? He rushed her inside and closed the door, smirking at the gaping sailors.

As the sailors watched in awe, light flooded through the holes of the cabinet door. There was a loud thud…and then nothing…Then, the doorknob turned and it opened revealing her, in grace and unharmed. “You know what to do with our guests, men…” Her command was menacing and chilly, and of course, obeyed.

She quickly returned to the small hut in the other side of the boat. Her heat beating faster than it had in years. If what the baron had told was true…everything would into chaos again…worse than that was the fact that her secret was out…there was no doubt from the look of the men outside that they had seen what had happened…and even if they hadn’t, how could she explain the body of the baron, lying on the floor of the captain’s cabin, paralyzed with fear? How could she hvae been stupid enough to use her powers on such mindless games? But what’s done is done…after what he told there was no way she could have let him off…she had to carry out her father’s wishes now….and she will have to kill again…